What If …

What if you liked something so much but you can’t have it?

Will you fight for it in the name of right — all that is right? Freedom? Or just a blind conviction that you must have what your desire tells you to have, and for the sheer want of being satisfied as though satisfaction was a precondition of life and without it you might as well be non-existent, dead?

Will you just resign and accept it? — knowing somewhat that what you liked is not necessarily for you, that somehow some Divine Being has a finite say of what you can and cannot have? That there is some kind of Grand Design in which your path is just a tiny, tiny part that makes up the whole machinery, and that your station in it is fixed and immutable, no matter what you do or how you’d want to change it? — changing it is tantamount to challenging the Divine Being, rebelling against the Grand Design, and attempting to disrupt the whole machinery and bending and breaking it up?

Disruption of the Grand Design, you tacitly believe, ruins everyone and everything — you included. It might make you feel victorious at first — knowing that you have defeated the odd, the Devil, and that you get what you like. But as the machinery turns, the jitter of the System’s disrupted mechanism begins to resonate everywhere — and you, being a part of it, however tiny, begins to feel the disruption; you and everything about you begin to wobble and stumble.

If want is right, is freedom; if like is equivalent to life, to living, might it not be that there is no Center to everything? It’s a free-fall for everyone where the only rule is survival of the fittest? It’s a constant and perpetual struggle and demise, and victory are but a transitional process of finding an indefinite (and undefinable?) shape? Balance is everything that everyone aims, and yet it is forever going to be elusive, ad interim, transitory, provisional because it is only part of the process where construction is a way for deconstruction (provisional destruction) which eventually makes way for another construction in a never-ending cyclical process.

In believing that like, want, and desire are right, we negate the existence of a Center and the web it implies and our place and function in it; we have made a centre of ourselves — everyone and everything is a centre on their own right: there is no beginning and no destiny. What matters most of all this, existence, is one’s transiency — the process(es), the constant struggles, the winning to be lost and the lost which is only a manifestation of a deferred winning.


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