Sometimes convincing yourself can be a lot harder than convincing others. I did not realize this until quite recently when I had to make a difficult decision about myself, about which direction to take at a pivotal junction in my life. Part of me, the driver, wants to go this way; the other part of me, the passenger, wants to go the other way.
It would have been easier if these conflicting parts were two separate entities. Unfortunately, of course, they are not. Both are me. The driver and the passenger are one and the same person who wants nothing but the best for himself.
But the best is often a contested ground even with ourselves. The best according to whom or what?
The obvious answer is of course the best in my own perspective. However, more often than not, our perspective is not a singular and unified entity – it can be divergent and split.
We’d often like to think that we and what we are, that is the person and the identity, as a single and inseparable entity. Alas, we are not.
We the person is an unknown and unreachable noumenon. We can only know what it is through the identities that it has come to assume through the formative experiences that we have experienced. Our identities are phenomena both in the sense of observable symptoms or manifestations and the formative forces that shape them.
In the above sense, our identities are dynamic because they are subject to the forces that shape them. Their manifestations are reflective of those forces.
I think it is these forces that are actually in conflict when it comes to making the decision about what is the best for ‘me’. It is basically a phenomenon or symptom in which an element force of our identity does not agree with another or some other element forces within the ‘I-me-my system’. And because a system is supposed to be a whole in which its parts are linked and work together in support of the whole, disagreements between or among its elements become disruptive; and because they are supposed to support the same system, such a disagreement become more difficult to reconcile.